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    Where's my club card?

    I confess. I like LOVE being a father. Sarah and I, throughout our 5 years together have talked about the possibility of having kids. For awhile, I didn't want kids, for awhile, I did. Then, one day, it occurred to me that I really didn't care if I ever had kids or not. I just didn't care.

    Last year, Sarah caught the baby-bug. I'm not sure from who, although I suspect it was her sister, Jillian, that did it. She had just had a baby daughter, and was likely still contagious. Sarah went and visited her at the hospital, and caught the bug. I'm thinking of a career in forensics. My detective skills astound me.

    So, she started the baby talk with me. I had the mindset of, "sure, whatever". Once we finally decided to "start trying", though, I found myself a little excited. I told Sarah that she had BETTER NOT be one of those women who have a stopwatch going and, as soon as the alarm goes off, order me into the bedroom, because "it's time". She said "no problem" and that she'd "never do that."

    Sarah is a liar. I think it's a side-effect of the baby-bug, but I have been unable to find documented proof of my suspicion.

    She was still in school at the time, so we were living separate. She was home on weekends. Well, after we made our decision, she would come home on a Tuesday night, because it was time. Then she'd come home Wednesday night, because Thursday morning would be time again. Then, Friday night, it was time for bed, because it was time. Sunday morning, when I'm trying to sleep in??? It was time. When a woman's biological clock starts ticking... it doesn't tick like a normal clock. I was on a locomotive speed train. Next stop, baby town.

    I've really jumped off topic. When Sarah had the positive pregnancy test, I found myself getting more and more excited every day. The first time I felt the baby move... it's an otherworldly experience.

    Today, I found myself very sad, but I couldn't pinpoint it. A few hours ago, the lightbulb above my head lit up. I'm going back to work. I have been home for 2 weeks, and they have been, without a doubt, 2 of the best weeks of my life. Tyler doesn't do much beyond eating, pooping, and sleeping, but I find myself staring at him all the time. Sarah and I have created a human life. It's the greatest miracle of the world.

    But, now I'm coming face-t0-face with the fact that I have to be away from my son for 10 hours a day. Even now, I cannot fathom such a thing. If anyone here has the resources to sponsor my retirement, let me know. I'm very interested in the offer.

    12 months ago, I couldn't have cared less if I never had a child. Today, I cannot imagine anyone not wanting to become a parent. I now believe all of my friends (with children), who said that it is the "greatest, most rewarding thing you'll ever do". It's only been 2 weeks, and I know that they are absolutely correct.

    So, I'm eagerly awaiting my club card to the "Proud Fathers Club".


    Joanna said...

    As a woman who has previously caught the baby bug, all agreements about what you will or will not do when it is time are null and void when it is time.

    When you were ready to have a baby, how many did you want to have at that point? Did Ty change that?

    Good luck going back to work. It's something you will get used to, as all working parents do, because makin' the bacon is important.

    hollystar said...

    ben (husband) says that it was hard to be away from our tyler when he first had to return to work. now, although its work, its a break away from tyler and makes the time he does get with him that much better.

    Chris in Happy Valley said...

    Your card's in the mail. I can relate to that dread of going back to work. I had a month or so off while we were making the move to Oz and when I started back to work it was heartrending. It's still tough, but I just make up for it on the weekends!

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