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    Give me back my milestones

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    It's been awhile since I've watched Fright Night, or read 'Salem's Lot, but I remember that if a vampire is invited into your home, they can come and go as they please. I also remember, in 'Salem's Lot, that you can revoke an invitation.

    Grandpa Bouse (Pa-pa, to little Tyler), I revoke your invitation into my house. Be gone with thee.

    Sarah's dad, Pa-pa, had been storing a 1950-something Spitfire in our garage for a few weeks. He was able to sell it on ebay or craigslist, or some other online venue, and had a carrier coming in a few days to pick it up. He came by on Sunday to get it ready. Before he arrived, I charged the battery and started it up for a few minutes, and repositioned it in the garage so it would be easier to get to. Because I'm a nice guy.

    Since I was already in the garage, and it was shaping up to be a very pleasant day, I vacuumed up the spiders and their webs with my new (cheap) shop-vac, and started cleaning the place up a bit. Just as I was getting ready to cut some 2x4's up so I could make a base to get our freezer off the ground - in case water were to collect in the garage - Pa-pa showed up in his 1969 Fiat Spider (top down, of course). So, I decided to forego the base building for the moment.

    As we were talking in the garage about the car, the selling of it, and general garage talk, Sarah came out of the house, holding Tyler, to say her hello's. The last time Pa-pa was down, Tyler was being a grumpy-gus, and started bawling whenever Pa-pa held him. It's very discouraging when the cutest baby in DeKalb county (the vote was tampered with, more on that later), whom you love very dearly, wants nothing to do with you. Sarah and I can both relate to the rejection, as it's happened to us too. On Sunday, Tyler was in a good mood, and this pleased Pa-pa very much.

    This brings me to the reason Pa-pa's invitation to our house is being revoked. He started doing the cute gitchy-gitchy-goo crap that all baby's love, and Tyler had the most adorable, gummy grin ever. That's perfectly fine with me. I've seen that smile a thousand times. A couple seconds later, though, Tyler started cracking up. What blasphemy is this?!

    I've made Tyler laugh before, loads of times. So has Sarah. But he was cracking up this time. I usually get a "AHHH Ah AhHH" laugh. I'm not sure what Sarah gets from him. I don't think I want to know. She's with him all day, so I'm sure she can make him laugh pretty heartily. But Pa-pa sees him less than me and finds the ability to extract full on laughter, while I can only elicit giggling? Luckily for everyone involved, I don't own a chainsaw. As a matter of fact, the only thing within arm's reach was the hose for the vacuum, and I wouldn't have been able to cause much pain or dismemberment by flogging someone with a rubber hose. I made the decision to stay the violence.

    I am supposed to be the one to make him laugh, to teach him to crawl, walk, and run. I was being more than generous when I gave permission to let Pa-pa teach Tyler how to fix cars when he gets older. I gave permission for Pa-pa and Tyler to get a Jeep or Miata or something when he's 8 years old, and they would spend the next six to eight years fixing and restoring it on weekends. This is how I'm repaid? Stealing MY milestones?!

    I'm sending a letter via certified mail to him with the imprint if a giant red stamp on the paper. It'll be positioned at a 45 degree angle, for dramatic effect, and it'll simply read "INVITATION REJECTED". I may even go the extra step to get the letter notarized and delivered by a local sheriff. I'll pay him an extra hundred dollars to say "You've been served."


    Anonymous said...

    all i have to say is that when you started talking about the rubber hose, i said out loud, "that's what she said!"

    Anonymous said...

    i can never remember my's mel

    Seriously Brenda said...

    When you are done with your stamp, could I borrow it for my mother-in-law? ;-)

    A Free Man said...

    Totally know where you're coming from. Zach loves noone more than his Grandma and she can get all sorts of things out of him that neither me nor his Mum can. The only solace I have is that I'll be the Grandpa someday.

    Natalie said...

    yeah...what a free man said. you will be the grandpa someday. start practicing!

    just pay close attention when he teaches him about fixing cars. since it might come in handy when you are a grandpa as well.

    anymommy said...

    The little buggers get you every time. It's like they know when to turn on the charm and like to keep you dodging knives in your heart. Funny post!

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