Will I Ever Be A Daddy?

I'm sitting here on the couch, covered in poison ivy. I actually convinced myself that I was immune to the effects of poison ivy. It would appear that I was wrong. The desire to scratch (everywhere) is so strong, that I'm sure I wouldn't feel satisfied until I had scratched every square inch of skin from my body.

I need to find a way to get my mind off the itchiness, because the cortisone cream isn't doing a thing for me. So, I decided to set up a blog and write something. In a way, I guess I should be grateful for the poison ivy, because that's what's motivated me to set up an account here at Blogspot, or Blogger, or Google Blogs, or whatever this site is calling itself nowadays, but I'm not grateful at all.

As of today, Sarah is 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant. According to science, I should have a baby boy that is 6 days old right now, which would pretty much eliminate any time that I would have had to blog with. But, for whatever reason, the little guy doesn't feel like coming out.

And here's the funny thing... technically, everything is still normal. Sure, pregnancies are 40 weeks, but that's according to science. The national average for the gestational period (I'll try to limit how many large words I use, sorry) is actually 41 weeks and 3 days. That would mean that, if this were the most average pregnancy ever, my son isn't due for another 4 days. I try to not mention this to Sarah too often, because she's more-than-eager to get the little guy out. I don't want to discourage her. No siree... I've learned that I must be very careful of what I say to a woman that's got hormones on overdrive.

When Sarah first got pregnant, we never cared what the EDD was, because an EDD is an Estimated Due Date. Estimated. It's guesswork based on your last menstruation (ewww... a boy talking about girl's stuff). We knew that, so we told people that we were due around the middle to end of June. As the days got closer, though, I found myself counting down to her 40 week due date, June 19th. I would look at Sarah and say, "Our little man will be here in 14 days, 3 hours, 22 minutes, and 16 seconds."

I was setting myself up for failure, and didn't even know it. The sad thing is... I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

Every day that passes now - hell, every HOUR that passes now - I get more and more anxious about the birth of my son. I'm not having the doubts of being a father, I'm not obsessing about finances, I'm not freaking out at all. Normally, I think I would, but if I can't change it, I have no choice but to accept it. I'm trying to do that. I'm anxious because I really want to see his face. I want to hold him. I want to kiss his delicious face (I have to give props to Sarah's sister, Jillian, for that phrase). I feel that I've developed a strong bond to him while he's been cooking in Sarah's belly. He responds to my voice. We push on each other through her belly. We could potentially be really good friends. If he ever comes out, that is.

I swear, I'm almost done with this blog post, so bear with me just a bit longer.

One year ago, I didn't care at all whether I had kids or not. If I had kids, fine. If I didn't have kids, fine. I think, in my entire life (30 years), I've only held a baby 3 times. That's no joke... ask anyone who knows. And I've NEVER changed a diaper. I don't really know how to talk or act when I'm with/near babies/children. They made me uncomfortable. I was scared that I would traumatize them or, worse, break them. Now... I'm really starting to enjoy the few kids that are in my life. Our close friends' (Melanie and Adam) son, Ben, is an example. My sister-in-law's (the previously mentioned Jillian) daughters, Paige and Lexi, are another. I actually enjoy talking to them. I can't wait to introduce them to little baby Gearhart. I can't wait to introduce him to the world.

We've got an appointment with our midwife tomorrow morning. Wish us luck, and think baby thoughts for us. As for right now, I'm going to grab some sandpaper and go to work on this itch.

Here's a slideshow of our ultrasound photos (view all my galleries at TheGearharts.smugmug.com):